Originally published on my Instagram page on 28 May 2024, this one turned out a bit more like a long poem.
What is self image?
Self-image is how one perceives themselves
who you are and what you want to do with your life
your beliefs, wants, values, what you like, what you don’t, who you love, etc.
I see my life in 17 phases
They are defined by
The people I spent time with
Whose personalities I absorbed
Now, years later, I can’t even defend
the decisions I made back then
So many versions of me I can’t even relate to
Event manager, Karaoke, Radio, Journalist, Married, Serial-dater, Advertising, Quizzing,
Graphic designer, Bisexual, Straight, Concert organiser, Feminine, Pansexual
Radical atheist, Single and happy, DJ, Crafter, Atheist, Agnostic, Clubbing
Gender non-conforming, Latin dancing, Sudoku, Writer, Tomboy, Headbanging
Entrepreneur, Poet
10, the number of times I’ve switched industries.
15, the number of times I’ve been in love
23, the number of interests I’ve taken to
How does this happen?
When something (or someone) new catches my interest, I anchor to them.
Just like my emotion, my relationship with the interest goes from 0 to 100 real quick.
I may pick up new habits and mannerisms.
Once the relationship plateaus or dies out, I’m left feeling dissonant.
The upside?
A multitude of skills
Many many people I call friends
A wide network of contacts
The downside?
Have trouble holding on to jobs
Easy target for abuse
Low self-esteem when there’s nothing or no-one to anchor to
With recovery, a lot of my self-image has been coming together.
I have narrowed down on a career
I have long-term goals that I’m working towards
I have my own set of beliefs and values
I know what I truly like and don’t (most times)
But other parts of my self-image continue to throw challenges.
I can’t identify my outlook towards life
I am yet to come to terms with the person I see in the mirror
I struggle with shifting romantic, sexual and gender identity
I still largely feel like I don’t belong
Where I stand now is that I have come to accept that this aspect of me is a variable.
With work and recovery, perhaps more of my self-image will come together.
And with it, maybe newer challenges.
For now, I am okay with being less solid and more fluid.