Talking about BPD meant talking about medication, and that invited a series of questions. So I put them together and posted this on my Instagram page on 11 October 2023. Here’s an updated version
Why do you need medication?
I suffer from borderline personality disorder. While there is no medication to treat the disorder, medication helps keep the symptoms, like depression and anxiety, under control so I can function on a daily basis. It helps control sleep, appetite, energy levels, mood regulation and more.
How long have you been on medication?
I was first prescribed medication in 2013. I took it for one month, started feeling better and stopped. Few months later, I was put back on medication and I’ve been on medication since.
What kind of medication do you take?
I currently take two types of antidepressants. I also have anti-anxiety medication on an SOS basis that I take when my levels of anxiety are too high.
I have previously been on combination of antidepressants and anti-psychotics, depending on the severity of my symptoms.
When will you stop taking medication?
I don’t know. I don’t know if I ever will. For now, my body and brain need it to function and I’m doing the best I can.
Why don’t you do therapy instead?
I have done consistent time-bound therapy a few times. I did one year of mentalization-based group therapy in 2018-19. From 2020 to 2022, I did individual therapy including cognitive-behavioural therapy and dialectical behaviour therapy to help with de-addiction. Since then, I attend therapy for months at a time whenever I have a crisis or a mental health goal that requires assistance.
My last stint of therapy ended in October. I have been doing well in handling crises and emotional upheaval since then.
What about side effects?
I have gone through some side effects - weight gain, lack of sexual libido, tremors, etc - but the way I see it is if the medication keeps me alive and safe from the BPD, a side effect is a small price to pay.
Have you tried <insert suggestion>?
I have tried all kinds of things over the years. I actually avoided medication for so many years for the same reason that most people are apprehensive towards it. Despite struggling a lot, I stuck to “natural” tools and methods. While they did work, they took a lot of energy and I wouldn’t be able to sustain the functionality. Medication helped bring me to a point where I could engage in therapy and untangle deeper issues.
That said, I prioritise my health. I exercise often and I’m very physically active. I eat healthy. I do not drink or smoke. I enjoy healthy friendships and have a great relationship with my family. In fact, I pay attention to all of this since I know its impact on my mental health.
But I still experience significant anxiety and episodes of depression. And medication helps manage these symptoms. Medication takes care of the surviving so I can focus on thriving.
You do know your doctor is keeping you sick so he can make more money, right?
I have no doubts that my doctor has my best interest. He is always keen on reducing the dosage of my medication. He encourages me to make decisions about my medication i.e. to reduce or increase it based on the symptoms I’m going through.
I try not to dwell on how high or low a dose is, or how many different types of medication I’m on. There’s a tendency to define how well I’m doing based on this, and sometimes that kind of thinking itself can result in feeling miserable. So, I trust the process and I trust that Doc knows what he is doing.
He has helped me manage a condition that I felt plagued by for most of my life. I owe him my life. I cannot thank him, and the other mental health professionals I (have) consulted, enough for the recovery and its many fruits.
But I was able to beat my <insert mental health issue> without medication...
Great! And I am so happy for you. Unfortunately, everybody is not as lucky. Some illnesses require medication for the person to be able to function on a daily basis. If you didn’t need medication, great. If you needed medication but don’t need it any more, that’s cool too.
But if you do need medication to sustain yourself, do not be ashamed of it. Being on medication is NOT a reflection of your strength. We do not judge people who wear glasses or inject insulin, and mental health shouldn’t be any different. You and I are doing the best we can.