In 2016, I did questionable things

Our marriage happened in the one bedroom with AC - space and time alone was either scarce or scorching.

In my late twenties, I met a liberal-minded, feminist and childfree man. I was vehemently against the institution of marriage. I felt some peer pressure from all of my friends "settling down." At the time, I didn't know what the alternative to a marriage would be. I feared a life of loneliness. I thought I would never meet a man like him again. And so we married and I moved to Chennai. The marriage was shortlived and today, we both agree that we were much too naive to think it would work.

We had issues including my alcoholism and undiagnosed BPD. Our marriage happened in the one bedroom with AC - space and time alone was either scarce or scorching.

I knew it wouldn’t work but as the wedding approached, the fear of cancelling grew larger. The non-refundable payments. The invitiations going out. Every step made the sunk cost bigger and saying no harder. Even the night before, I thought to just run away. Instead, I disguised all my doubts and fears with made-up smiles.

I wish I had trusted my gut. I wish I had trusted my family who I now know without a doubt would have supported my decision.

The marriage lasted seven months. On the day that we signed our divorce papers nearly two years later, we went out for beers and wished each other the best of luck.

He is now happily married! And I am happily single - content with a chosen family of friends and a family I’ve befriended again. And of course, the love of my life, my beloved cat, Hyphen.