Getting diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 40

I watched those around me grow and achieve while I counted the slivers of my self-esteem.

2025, I asked my therapist if there was a possibility that I was neurodivergent from childhood. She conducted DIVA - the Diagnostic Interview for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) in adults over the course of many sessions. The test looks for symptoms of inattention and hyperactivity-impulsivity in two or more areas; which must have been present in childhood between ages 5 and 12.

Since I have little recollection of my childhood, I turned to family and friends to fill the gaps. Every time I would ask my Dad and Sis about something, they would offer a compliment along with the answer.

Me: Was I easily distracted?

Them: Not that we recall, but you were a good dancer!

I’m paraphrasing but it was a small confusing act of love.

My report cards came through as star witnesses. I only had report cards of my time until class 5, which covered the ages of 4 to 10.

There were repeated mentions of:

• Slow writing

• Incomplete work

• Delayed submissions

• Careless mistakes

• Potential

I couldn’t help but feel like the system had failed me. Every single term assessment included the issue of writing slowly from multiple teachers. And yet no-one thought to ask how I would manage writing exams for the rest of my education.

Nobody questioned the system. Instead, I was the problem child that wasn’t trying hard enough. I never did catch up and still write slowly.

“You have the potential, you just need to put your mind to it.”

I heard some variation of this throughout life with regards to studying, keeping my room clean, deadlines and even staying off alcohol. And yes, I could achieve more when I “made the effort”. But it felt like making the effort was more tiring for me than it seemed for others. And consistently making the effort always led to burnout within a few months.

Resuming the effort after burning out was a gigantic task. It would take some time to regain the momentum, and I’d just be bracing for burnout the whole time. That was the better outcome. Else, a resistance would set in. The fear of failure would lead to procrastination and starting trouble, and soon depression and anxiety followed. I watched those around me grow and achieve while I counted the slivers of my self-esteem.

These symptoms followed me well into my adult life. I dropped out of college twice. I found structures like written assignments, minimum percentage of attendance and rigid class hours limiting and draining. I loved learning and still do, but found formal education to be so suffocating and defeating.

At a traditional workplace, the complaint has always been that while the quality of my work was good, I was unable to stick to deadlines and missed work often.

There was overwhelming evidence of inattention but what about hyperactivity-impulsivity? Me? Hyperactive? No way. I’m less like a bunny and more like a sloth.

As we went through that section of the DIVA, I realized that my idea of hyperactivity-impulsitivity was very stereotyped - running, jumping around, trying to climb trees, being loud and adding chaos to the world.

My hyperactivity presents differently. I’m talkative, always interrupting conversations and can’t wait for my turn to speak. I feel the need to constrain myself from joining the conversation at the next table.

I’m figdety and change my position every few minutes. I cannot watch something without having something else occupy my hands. I do not like situations where I cannot move as I please, and have little patience for queues.

In terms of impulsivity, I am notorious for putting my foot in my mouth by saying things unfiltered. If I come across an idea, I have an irresistible urge to implement it - not tomorrow, not when I have the funds - but at that very moment.

This symptom overlaps a bit with the self-destructive impulses of borderline personality disorder (BPD). If you’ve read my older posts, you will recall how I impulsively bought two monkeys for a Jane Goodall costume.

After the assessment, my therapist consulted with my psychiatrist and I received an official diagnosis of ADHD with presentation of both inattention and hyperactivity-impulsivity. The ADHD diagnosis did not replace the BPD diagnosis, but was in addition to it.

My doctor put me on some medication for it. I had to learn a few techniques to wind down. I also had to unlearn all the ways that I had adapted to living with undiagnosed ADHD.

During the assessment, the therapist observed that I had figured out some good hacks to deal with the symptoms. I have dumping grounds in every room to catch both the clutter of my workspace and chaos of my absent-mindedness. If I’ve misplaced something, it is in one of these zones.

I measure time through music - have five songs gone by? I’m spending too long in the shower. Hanging clothes is about two songs long. “I must get ready by the time this song ends.”

Some of these were just ways to mask symptoms and did more harm. One of the questions asked if I zoned out while people were talking to me. I answered yes. Another was “do people complain about you zoning out a lot?” I asked friends and family and everyone said I never zone out.

I had gotten really good at appearing attentive. Now I’ve started saying “Sorry, I zoned out. I lost you at...”

Unlike the BPD diagnosis that brought up questions, this one gave me answers that were long due. I had attributed many outcomes in my life to personal failure, especially not completing college, twice. I was so close the second time too with only one semester to go.

But completing the mountain of pending assignments and exams, all hand-written - I now understand why I panicked at the thought of returning to college. The relief of learning that you did in fact try your best is priceless.

I have since had to learn to drop my mask. Living alone helps me stim* about all day - making any and all sounds and actions. I am still learning to be my complete stimmying self around everyone, in all situations.

*self-stimulating behaviour like repeated sounds or actions

I’m learning about what causes my energy to deplete, and new ways to managing my time and work with this in mind.

Friends, family and the wonderful clients I work with have all been sources of support and strength. Of course, my therapist and doctor wasted no time in getting me the professional support I needed.

So, that’s what’s new. You can expect more stories of lived experience on BPD and ADHD from this page now! Cheers... and some happy stimmy stuff to go with it!